it's got to be the best advert ever
2005 RENAULT CLIO DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE on eBay (end time
23-Mar-10 15:10:07 GMT)
Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves
If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20,
this could be the answer to your prayers.
A proper b*****dised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your
street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front
no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's
idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold
your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters
will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal
substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now
I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your
scrawny little backs already.
Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your
shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other
suitably attired t***s. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty,
ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should
put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max
trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with
proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even
fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and know one'd see 'em. doesn't get
much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter
lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous
rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer
to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then
taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate
and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn
them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be
impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine
Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum &
Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant
in no time.
To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted
from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really
doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your
Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it
makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but
ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an
astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful,
did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to
me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of s*** and look a complete p****. I'd
much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any
day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made
it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer
of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but
ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could
help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums
credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is
going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco
carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting
so much easier.
For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless
to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your
"Tramp Stamp" that is.
If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this
little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local
constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure
there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving,
have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you
nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the
nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you
alive in this.
The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours
will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the
pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will
increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing
of the past when the babes see you in this "f**** magnet". You can
almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a
few STD's as well. Your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.
For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the
local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local
Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?
Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers
licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack
house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.
Nuff said, innit.
Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:35 pm by Lorz
Calendar
