BLIND people across Britain were bumping into things today after
thousands of guide dogs deserted their posts.
As vets revealed a sharp increase in the number of attacks on guide
dogs by other dogs the animals immediately said 'f**k this for a game of
soldiers' and wandered off to look for some sheep excrement.
Roy
Hobbs, a seven year-old Labrador from Peterborough, said: "I've been
through five years of training, I had to pass three sets of exams and I
have a special certificate with my name on it. In dog terms I'm
basically the equivalent of an architect, or maybe a chartered surveyor.
"So
you can understand my reaction when one of these uneducated FUCKERS
comes up and starts giving me shit.
"I'm out there working for a
f**king living, while these bastards sit about all day, licking their
nuts and thinking they're better than me.
"I know where the post
office is. I can hear how close a lorry is. I can help some old blind
guy cross a f**king road. Meanwhile they're living on hand outs and
sniffing 15 different kinds of piss.
"I think a lot of them
might be foreign."
He added: "Fuck this shit. I'm going to go and
live in the country with a decent family who have an Aga I can lie
beside and a paddock filled with a wide variety of faeces that I can
work my way through without having to justify myself to a bunch of
arseholes."
Standing cautiously at the top of the stairs, Roy
Hobbs' owner Bill McKay, said: "Roy is very diligent, though he does
drink a bit. I really hope he comes back, because I don't think this is
going to work with a cat."
But Hobbs added: "It's all f***ked up.
When I was young guide dogs commanded respect. Puppies would ask for my
advice, I was the guest of honour at school prize giving ceremonies, I
was quoted in the local press.
"And, I'll be completely honest
with you, I got a lot of fanny."
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/you%27re-on-your-own%2c-say-guide-dogs-201006182829/ 
Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:35 pm by Lorz
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