DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND

Jan emailed this to me today and it's really funny DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND 910222

DIARY
OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND

'Our First Winter'

DEC. 20TH
It's starting to snow. The first of the
season and the first we've
seen for years. The wife & I took
out hot toddies and sat on the
porch watching the fluffy soft flakes
drift gently down, clinging to
the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful & peaceful.

DEC. 24th
Woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering
as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight everything
covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shovelled snow for the
first time ever and loved it! I did both our driveway & the pavement.
Later that day a snowplough came along & accidently covered up our
driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled &
waved. I waved back & shovelled it away again. The children next
door built a snowman with coal for eyes & a carrot for a nose and
had a snowball fight - a couple just missed me & hit the car so I
threw a couple back & joined in the fun.

DEC. 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temp. dropped to
around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees & bushes
snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our drive again.
Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by & did his trick again!
Much of the snow is now brownish/grey.

JAN. 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon
became ice when the temp. dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both
our cars. Fell on my arse in the driveway. Went to physio but
nothing was broken.

JAN. 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car & bought her a 4X4 to get her to
work. She slid into a wall & did considerable damage to right wing.
Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are
covered in salt & iced up slush. That bastard snowplough came by
twice today. Where's that bloody shovel?

JAN.9th
More f***ing snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't
been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from
freezing to death with candles & a paraffin heater that tipped over
& nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but
suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands. Lost my eyebows & eyelashes.
Car hit a f***ing deer on the way to casualty & was written off!

JAN. 13th
F***ing bastard white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put
on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little
shits next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back. I'll
shove that carrot so far up the little pricks arses; it'll take a
good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch that arsehole that
drives that snowplough I'll chew open his chest & rip out his heart
with my teeth. I think the bastard hides round the corner & waits
for me to finish shovelling & then he accelerates down the street
like Michael f***ing Schumacher & buries the f***ing drive again.

JAN. 17th
16 more sodding inches of f***ing snow & f***ing ice & f***ing sleet
& God knows what other white shite fell last night. I am in court in
3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice pick.
Can't move my f***ing toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus
20 & more bastard snow is forecast.

This place really is the arse end of nowhere. I'm moving back to
civilisation.
certainly changed my mind about going to Scotland DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND 457589

DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND 457589

DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND 925943

DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND 41621

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