My mum!

So sad for you, it's such a difficult time for you as well as for Ben going through it my heart goes out to both of you

Who's ben

i think she meant me

Its going to be hard over Christmas my mums birthday was on Christmas Eve as well

I did mean you Bren and she knows it

That's very sad Bren. My eyes filled up reading that

Awww no I really didn't know you meant Bren

That's sad Bren it's hard for the firsts of everything

I bought a nice wreath to put on my mum and dads plot for Christmas
We still havent had the stone back yet   its taken ages sorting out because my brother had to deal with it as his name was on the plot from when my dad died and we have all had to decide on the engraving etc
He was away on a course for work then on holiday then both me and my other brother were on holiday so it has dragged on and on but its finally been done now  we have to wait on the council putting it down now
Im hoping it looks nice  i picked the design of a tabby cats head sleeping
My mum loved her animals and the design looks just like her last cat    I think she would have liked it
It will be very hard for you Shelley being so soon

it's still quite fresh for you Hun .... I don't think anyone realises how hard it is until you go through it yourself ....I look back and realise how hard my mum must of found it when my nan died....she hid it so well though, I should of paid more attention

Do you find your self running through the last few years and wishing you'd come things differently or done more ...I do my mum was a very good actress, she must of been suffering and struggling so much more than we realised, or in just east paying enough attention

I've been looking through verses today for her headstone... I' e chosen some lovely words, hopefully my brother will like them too... When he's home on leave we will choose the headstone!
Mums grace is full of wreaths and pots of flowers and little ornaments already....we take something new everytime we go I can't help it!!! I want her to look all nice and pretty..she loved her little ornaments ad stuff all around her

Ive also ordered some Xmas cards for her grave that are plastic and on little stakes, I got my brother one for his grave too

Your mums headstone sounds lovely Bren ..I was thinking of having a terrier etched on my mums headstone....she loves jack russels

I find myself wishing i'd gone to visit more often

I found it really hard towards the end to visit for more than an hour at a time because my mum didnt recognise me and wasnt communicating She would be in her own little world
Its really strange because she definately recognised me when i was with her at the end and she knew exactly what i was saying

Where did you get the cards from

Did you mean get a card for your brother to put on your mums grave or have you lost your brother as well

I got the cards off ebay...they're really good they're all laminated in hard plastic, and stick onto little stakes

I meant I got one for my brothers grave too ... I have two brothers, one living and one who passed away many years ago

I bet it was heartbreaking when your mum didn't recognise you Hun  but lovely that she did towards the end bless her  it's strange isn't it...it's as if she knew what was happening and that she was granted that recognition at the end

I kept asking my mum if she loved me towards the end ...as if I needed reassurance I knew she did, I just wanted to hear it , I'm glad I did now as the last day of her life she didn't come round at all

I cry every time I read your two posts, so I can imagine how sad it is for both of you my mum is 81 now and although she is still reasonably healthy she is getting frail...I dread the time when I am in your shoes.

aww wow 81 Hun that's a fantastic age cherish every ickle pickle moment

I will and I do hun but it still upsetting to know what you and Bren a going through
.how are your girls doing and is your brother any better?

Tia mentions my mum all the time... Most things she does she refers to my mum bless her

Nicole still gets upset obviously but I think she's shoving it to the back of her mind, she does t even really want Christmas this year

My brother is more affected than he lets on luckily for him or not lucky, he has a mega hard course to get through which finishes in May, he has no time to grieve properly I don't think....it will probably hit him even more then!! I just hope he isn't punishing himself for never visiting mum very often cos I know it will be playing on his mind

Gaz always says he wishes he had done more when his mum was alive...I think everyone probably has guilt creeping in...just hope your brother will be on. .trouble is, you can never be prepared for it, can you

Tia being so young, it may help her just having her birthday and Xmas around the corner, may help take her mind off it a bit, Nicole, must be hard for her, thankfully she has you hun who is aware and supportive, not like the woman up the road from me who is a useless prick of a mother, you have always been close to Nicole

 Hopefully your brother wont beat himself up about not visiting much  
My younger brother is the same  he said he just couldnt handle visiting my mum very often when she didnt know who he was  but now she isnt there to visit he feels guilty

I do think men handle bereavement better   and dont dwell on their feelings as much as women

My mums stone is finally down and it looks really nice  

cheers girls

i suppose we all go through different emotions before we come to terms wth it no point dwelling on what ifs

ooh bren, i bet it looks loads better, and finished off if you know what i mean ....we went to the cemetery yesterday, my mums grave has sunk loads we were hoping to go and order her headstone but the undertaker had an urgent call out

Heres my mum and dads stone  

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Been that is so beautiful

thats lovely bren

weve decided in a few words and a rose for the headstone.... when we finally get to bloomin order it

i want these words .... but my aunt says she doesnt like the last line


A Special Mum We Can’t Replace,
You Gave Your Love,
Your Whole Life Through
God Bless You Mum,
We Love You Too.

or this is another option ..........


Only ever a thought away,
Loved and remembered everyday.

You could combine them

Say the first three lines of the top one with the 2 lines of the bottom one, they are both lovely Shell

 Thats a good idea Sandra  

They are both nice  

Its such a bid decision picking verses and engravings  it took us ages to decide
My brother wanted a flower then some dancing shoes were suggested but i came up with the cat because even although mum loved dancing and flowers she always had an animal in her life so i thought that was a better choice  Looking at photos of mum when she was younger she always had an animal on her lap and it was usually a cat

hmmm.... yes i like the thought of combining those words sange ill see what my brother says

sorry to be cheeky bren, but approx how much is it to get a picture etched onto the headstone

Im not sure my brother dealt with the stone engraving and the solicitor has the bill now i will ask him and let you know

Ive got a feeling it was about £600
The price included the wording and cat done for my mum and also my dads existing engraved harmonica and wording redone This is on a cremation plot so its alot smaller than a burial headstone

ahh right of course ... i think its going to cost us about £1000 or more

Bren and Shell